Dressing Up Baby Dolls
by mizukilen
Summary: During the day, James is seen as the hottest guy around. With the face, all girls fall to their knees. But at night, when everyone's asleep, James is not James. Afraid to tell his friends, he tries to keep his secret life away from them, but maybe that's harder then he thought. Rated T for language and context.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, its me! Yes, I know I've already got a story for James, but I really want to try this. Anyway, I'm not giving up on the other James story. Just taking a break. Also the people's names like mine and others are real names with real people attached. I thought it would be cool to show off what kind of friends have made me crazy...just don't tell them. they might kill me later. Haha. But hope you like this so far, cause I know I do. Don't forget to leave a comment and tell me what you think should happen. I write for you!**

**~Lindsay**

James's pov

All around me the night was slowly getting darker as the hours past. On the other side of the wall, Carlos's breathing was slowing down. Turning peaceful for once. The thought of Carlos being calm made me chuckle. The kid was always bouncing off the walls. Which, in turn, would drive Logan and Kendall crazy.

But I was wasting time. And I didn't have time to waste.

As silent as I could be, I rose from the bed and grabbed the secret bag from under the bed. Since I fell "asleep" before the other guys, I was still dressed. Closing the door softly, I turned to face the dark hallway. When I first started sneaking out I would crawl on the floor so I wouldn't bump into anything that would wake anyone up. I didn't need a sleep deprived Mama Knight after me. But as the months went by, I starting getting better at knowing where stuff was.

Checking my phone I noticed it was 12:28. Shit. I was going to be late.

The lobby was still lit for the guest that stay out late. Bitters had other guest then just us Hollywood kids and he had to accommodate to the others. But it was just find for me. I couldn't walk through here if he just decided to turn off the lights.

Outside the door waited Waylon, Lindsay, Mason and Summer leaning on the Shitmoble.

Waylon, the unnatural blond dressed with a Green Day shirt and cargo shorts, had his tan arm wrapped around the shorter blond in her flowery shirt and shorts, Summer. Even though it was hot outside, Lindsay was wearing her black skull hoodie and black jeans. Her short black hair covered most of her pale face, dark brown eyes poked through her purple glasses. Then there was Mason. The giant stood over 6 foot and wearing his normal attire. His dream school colors of purple and gold covered his shirt.

"Jamie! Where were you?" Lindsay bounced towards me. I rolled my eyes at her energy that seemed to never end. "I know your like a super star and all that but even I am on time."

"Which is already a scary thought," Mason gasped. The fluffy teen girl turned to our friend and stuck her tongue at him. Which responded in him flipping her off. "But the crazy person is right. We are late."

I shrugged and held up my bag. "Then we come in fashionably late, right?"

Mason and Waylon took the front seats of the Shitmoble while Lindsay, Summer and I took the back. "Maybe we should stop at a place with a restroom or something," Summer yelled over Waylon's music. "Its kinda hard to work in the back of a car and make him look perfect-"

At that moment Mason slammed on breaks and started cursing the car in front of us. "Oh my Beuse, move faster! This is a FOUR LAIN grandma! Learn to flipping drive!"

"When we have a driver like that." I heard Lindsay yell out. Summer and I nodded until I had a thought that made my stomach churn.

"Wait! What if someone sees me? Then the secret's out." The thought of my night life coming out in the news, which would lose fan base for my band, Big Time Rush. But if it came out then my Carlos, Logan and Kendall would finally know. And the thought of that happening scared me worst than anything else in the world.

Waylon hit the window with his fist, earning a yell from Mason. "Well, fuck, what do you want to do? Your famous. It comes with a cost." His dark eyes searched the outside world. Suddenly he sat up straight and yelled for Mason to suddenly turn. Soon we were facing a park and its open restroom. "You don't see anyone here, do you James?"

I shook my head and soon found myself in the bathroom with the two girls. If only Camille and Lucy could be here, they would have so much fun with the makeup and outfit. But to tell them my secret would be coming too close to it all coming out. And this was something I couldn't have come out.

I couldn't tell anyone I was a cross-dresser.

Kendall's pov

I heard James leaving the apartment. He leaves every night, but I didn't know where he would go or anything. And I have a feeling that if i asked him out right he wouldn't tell me anything. Just leave me with more questions.

My phone suddenly vibrated. Checking it it was a Message from Lucy.

_James has left the building and heading north. Meet us outside._

"So, James left again?" I turned to find Logan blinking away sleep. I sighed and nodded. If only James knew how much his nights out worried little Logan. "You going to follow him?" he asked as I slipped on my shoes.

I sighed, "If you want to come you better hurry up. He was heading north pretty fast."

When we finally got out there the girls where in the car ready. "Hurry up!" I heard Lucy yell. "He left five minutes ago in a red shitty looking jeep."

And off we drove.

James pov

In the mirror stood three girls looking back. Lindsay and Summer smiled at their hard work making my heart flutter. Every time I change into Jessica, it takes me back to a time when things were safer. When mom and I had full days together. Before I could stop myself, I started to remember.

"Here James," I could hear her smile as she pulled me away from my finger painting. "Lets clean you up, it's almost nap time." I pouted at her. She laughed and kissed me, "And we can read a story before you go to bed. Anything you want."

"Anyting?" I giggled, hiding my eyes as she placed me back down on the floor.

"Yep," she nodded. "Anything you little hear desires, baby."

"Even..."

"James!" Summer broke through the memory and brought me back to the smelly park bathroom. Turning to the small blond beside me I suddenly saw a worried look on her face. "We have a problem."

"What?"

"Logan and Kendall are outside."

Shit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay...so I'm done with the second chapter and if you have already seen the new episode of BTR...HOLY SHIT! For those who haven't seen it yet, it's going to blow your mind! (I seriously started yelling at the tv.) But anyway hope you like this new chapter of my new baby. Hehe man it's fun to be in your own story. ;3 Anyway, yes Waylon talks like this. Yes, Waylon will start singing the song in music class which is a big reason why he is in the story(if you don't know what it is look up King For A Day by Green Day). And no, Waylon, Will, Ammon, and Zack are not apart of any band. I just made that part up because...well, I can. So don't even try to look up Waywards. They are not real. But hope you like the story and the new episode tonight. Don't forget to rate and comment.**

**~Lindsay**

Jame's pov

Outside the door I could hear Waylon yelling. "We don't know a fucking James and we don't care."

"You better care faggot!" I heard Kendall growl. "Or I will make you care."

Lindsay turned to me with fear in her eyes. She didn't know what to do and nether do I. "We have to get them to go away," she whispered to me. "What will make them go away?"

"You're all fucking faggots," I heard Logan yell. "Come on, Kendall. James wouldn't be caught dead with these guys."

Tears sprang to my eyes at their words. I knew their opinions on people like us, but...did why did it still hurt. In the mirror I saw a beautiful strong woman and a fearless man all at once. Sure, there where still some man like things about me like my cheek bones and such, but the girls did a great job at covering it up with blush and foundation. My skin was glowing by their touch. My eyes and lips popped with mascara and lip gloss, but the wig was the best touch. Long and wavy, the soft silky brown strands stopped at the bust of my make-shift chest. The sparkling silver blouse, black skinny jeans and silver pumps fitted me perfectly.

But I still would never be perfect in their eyes.

"Don't listen to them, James. They don't know how wrong they are," Lindsay whispered as she rubbed my back. "Besides if you cry your going to have black smudges for the rest of the night because I'm not fixing them."

I scoffed at her. "And how many times have you proved yourself wrong?" A shared smile broke out on our faces as we walked out to the jeep. Inside the cab, words were let lose.

"What the fuck is wrong with those two?" Waylon asked again. "Kendall was a fucking ass wipe thinking he could beat me up. I mean the dude was pounding his fist like he was about to do something." The tan teen turned in his seat and looked at me. "No wonder you could never come out."

I rolled my eyes at him. "I'm not gay."

Waylon rolled his back at me. "Yeah, I know. But if they ever caught you wearing a dress or your wig...damn fucking homophobics." For the second time tonight, Waylon hit the window with his fist. Only this time, Mason didn't yell at him.

Instead the larger teen was trying to focus on driving. But I could tell what Kendall said had also pissed him off. Summer placed her head on my shoulder and I turned to make sure Lindsay was okay. Like Carlos, the tiny girl was almost always full of energy that needed to be wasted or she would become crazy herself. But, unlike Carlos, moments like these seemed to ware her down. At that moment, her dark eyes stared out into the dark nothingness of the night life. Were couples and friends where having the time of their lives right at that very second.

"I know!" Summer suddenly jumped for her carry-on bag that was on the floor. Pulling it to her lap, she turned to everyone making sure she had our attention. "I was going to save this for after Waylon's gig, buuut..." Out of the bag came three Monsters.

As soon as she noticed the cans Lindsay was jumping in her seat. "Sniff! Sniff! I wanna sniff!"

I laughed at her sudden energy. "Why do you like to sniff Monsters?" I asked as I grabbed one and took a sip.

"Because they smell great, but taste horrible." Just as my lips left the can, she grabbed for it. Taking the longest sniff I have ever heard earning a round of laughter.

"If she gets high from that stuff," Mason said checking the small giggling girl in the rear view mirror. "Then she's someone else's problem." Laughter roared in the jeep and I felt loved again. I felt like me.

Logan's pov

Lucy followed the jeep closely, but not too close. The other car didn't seem to notice us, so we just kept our distances. We weren't stupid. We knew James was with those people, but we just didn't know why.

"You should have punched the jerk," Lucy muttered. "I don't care if he had a gig or not, he deserved it."

Kendall furrowed his bushy eyebrows at me. "Logan wouldn't let me. I wanted to punch the faggot as much as you did, but he wouldn't let me." I cringed. God, I hated that term. I hated that if I ever came out I would lose the only love I have. That was something I couldn't do.

I couldn't lose Kendall.

"Look, if you had hurt the kid then James would hate you for the rest of his life," I reasoned with him. "He holds these guys close enough to not tell us about them. He has his reasons."

Kendall and Lucy scoffed. "But did you see the big guy?" The beautiful blond rolled his eyes. "I mean, how gay could you get?"

And yet again, I felt his words stab my heart. But this wasn't about me. This car chase, the yelling, the sneaking out, this whole night was about James. I just wanted to know if he was okay. That he wasn't in a bad crowd or anything. James was like a brother to me. And I hate seeing family members suffer.

And I know I've seen James suffer. Every time Kendall would make a gay joke or a faggot joke, James was suffering. The others might have put it off as nothing, but I could see it. I know what he was going through. In every twitch and every fake smile, the tall brunette was holding back tears of hurt and hate.

When I saw that Kendall was going to follow James, I decided to come just in case he found James in a gay bar or something. Or if he was doing drugs I could slap the shit out of him. Ether way I had to come tonight.

James's pov

The gig was at a new club for teens and young adults. Yeah, there was alcohol, but the bartenders were really strict about things. Which made Waylon sad. I tried to hide my smile as the tender told him to go set up sober, but I know how he felt. The first couple of times on stage I wished that I was hammered enough to be awesome. First time singers always find it nerve wreaking to be on stage, but I knew Waylon had this in the bag. Him, Will (the pale anarchist), Ammon (Jew with a mohawk) and Zack (short little drummer with one blond streak) had practiced so hard for tonight. Every riff and cored was played perfectly the last time I heard them.

Ammon was the first to notice us walking in. "Yo! Waylon! You ready tonight?" Looking closely at the Jew I suddenly noticed how much he looked like a shorter Kendall. I laughed and shook away that thought, getting questionable looks from my friends.

"Hell yeah I am," Waylon started fist pumping to the dj that was playing. Soon the rest of the band was joining in making moaning noises and using sexual terms. I looked over at Lindsay to find her wanting to join in, but holding back. Something I would have to ask her about later.

Suddenly this big burly looking dude came up to the group and said something to low for me to hear. The guys nodded and started moving out. Waylon turned and explained that they were about to go up after the dj, so we had better get right in front of the stage. "For moral support," he said before turning to go backstage.

As we pushed our way in the crowed I saw the guys on stage. Waylon was the lead singer while Will was on lead guitar. Ammon stood back tuning his base as Zack got situated at his drums. When the guys were ready they gave Waylon the signal to start. "Yo! Bitches of LA! We are The Waywards and we are here to rock your mother fucking world!" The crowed screamed, loving the abuse Waylon was giving out. "Before we give out our own music, I wanna play one every fucking body knows. And if you don't then screw you!"

Lindsay grabbed my arm and pulled me down to her level. "Waylon wanted me to tell you that he dedicated this song to you and hopes you like it." Before I could ask anymore the music started playing my ultimate them song.

_It started at the age of four,_

_My mother went to the grocery store,_

_Went sneaking through her bedroom door to find something a size four!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, this is my late night story before I have to go back to school tomorrow and turn in my Beowulf story. (I would put it up here because it's totally awesome, but there is no Beowulf section so...]:p) Anyway, I forgot to tell you guys to thank DianaMaslowx for giving me this idea in the first place...unknowingly of course. And thank winterschild11 for keeping up the moral support. She, thankfully, hasn't turn Nazi on me yet, but if the story turns out to be as good as I think then my peaceful world with just end. Crap. Anyway, rate, comment, give me your opinion and watch out for the Illuminati because they are watching. ;)**

**~Lindsay**

Kendall's pov

When we got to the club we saw that little prick on stage singing about cross-dressers. Like their should ever be a song about those freaks. I'm not trying to be mean here or anything. It's just that they freak me out. They say their just like normal guys except for the part where they like to dress up in girl stuff and do guys instead. And that right there crosses my line.

Like that one kid who came out back in Minnesota. Really strange dude to start with, but when he came out nothing was normal again. He would walk around school with a shirt that said "I'm Gay", he wore make-up all the time, talked about doing guys not stop and was on the top of everyone's "I wanna punch" list. No one liked the kid.

Except for maybe his weird ass friends.

But that's the thing. Only the weird people are gay or cross-dressers or fucking transgender. No normal person in their right mind would ever do such things.

So why was James hanging with these guys?

"We need to split up and see if we see him," I yelled over the music. The girls and Logan nodded and went off their separate ways. Leaving me in the sea of freaks. I hated this. I started pushing, trying to get to the front, but the crowd was thick and getting thicker. As the music went on, the prick had some better choices. Still in the rock section, but who doesn't like rock? As his band played on I started to forget why I was there. My attention was being swept up by the band and they weren't half bad.

When the band finally stop for the night it was almost two in the morning. I somehow was able to find the girls and Logan as the crowd finally started going home.

"Did you guys find him?" Camille asked, her eyes filled with worry when we shook our heads. "This isn't like James. I know I saw him with those guys." Logan reached over and pulled her in for a hug.

"We know you did, Camille," Logan hushed her. "They just wanted to hid him for some reason. We're going to get to the bottom of this, okay? Don't cry."

I sighed, knowing if we didn't get home soon it was going to be a rough day for all of us. "We better leave. It's almost two in the morning." The rest nodded and walked out of the club to our long and quiet ride home.

When we finally got back to the Palm Woods everyone was beat. Lucy could barely keep her eyes open while driving, but no one really cared. We were too tired to care. Logan and I said our good nights to the girls and made our way back to our apartment. Sneaking back in, I decided to check and see if James was back or not. Opening the door as softly as I could I looked in to find not one boy asleep, but two.

Somehow, someway James outsmarted us.

James's pov

Getting away from Kendall and Logan seemed to be harder then I thought. Half way though the gig, Mason tapped my shoulder and told me that I had to go.

"Why?" I shouted over the music, trying to make my voice a girly as possible. Rolling his eyes, Mason's huge hands grabbed my head and turned it enough for me to see Kendall talking with Logan, Camille and Lucy. Fear pounded though my heart as they broke up the huddle and took off in different directions. "We need to get out of here. Like now!"

Lindsay shook her head. "I know a place you can hide out in and they will never find you." She grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the crowed. I kept my head down so maybe no one would recognize me. Suddenly I found myself in a tinny room, close to the fire escape. Before I could ask anything, Lindsay put her finger over her mouth as a sign to be quiet, then her hands and fingers began to move.

_Sound room_, she signed.

Over the past three years, Lindsay and I decided to try and learn ASL together, never knowing when we were going to need to speak in silence. This was one of those times. For the rest of the show, we just sat and signed to each other waiting for the show to end. But I was still freaked out about Kendall and Logan showing up.

_What's wrong?_ Lindsay signed, noticing my shaky hands.

_Nothing._

Frowning, her fingers moved. _They freaked you out, didn't they?_

I sighed. _I've been hiding this from them my whole life. How could I not be freaked out? _

_Why don't you just tell them?_ Another innocent Carlos smile played her lips. _They got to at least understand._

I scoffed. _Did you not hear Kendall or Logan? Did you not hear what they said? _Tears started to fill my eyes and my nose burned. _And who know how Carlos feels about this. I just know they won't understand. They would hate me._

In seconds I was pulled into her arms as she petted my wig. Tears finally fell as I gave into the truth. They would hate me. Just like dad did.

Memories swept around as my eyes started to close. In them I see my father. A strong and manly kind of man. The kind that took pride in his rights as a man and spat on anyone who said anything different. "Men are men," he would say to me as I would watch him shave. "We don't play dress up or any other girly thing. Because men are supposed to be rugged and strong." Hard dark eyes would turn to me in all seriousness. "And I'm not raising no damn pansy, right?"

He was the one who made me play every manly sport he could think of. Anything that meant getting dirty or hurt. Basket ball, Base ball, Foot ball, ect. Hockey was his last attempt to find something mom and I would like. Mom was still scared, but it was the only thing I really loved.

Suddenly I was being shook awake. Blinking back sleep, I found myself in the Shitmoble again facing a tired and sleepy group. "Where are we?" I asked stretching, trying to jump start my foggy brain.

"The park," Mason rubbed his eyes. "So you guys go and get pretty boy back. Time to go back to our normal lives." Lindsay rolled her eyes at him. She took one hand and Summer grabbed the bag. Twenty minutes or so, the girls and I came back to find Mason dead asleep and Waylon looking over a video someone recorded and put on youtube.

Waylon looked up and smiled. "Mason said I could drive. He's too tired to care."

Beside me I felt a tiny brunette flinch. "And if you get caught? You failed two classes. Your not supposed to drive."

"Well, you can't drive ether Miss I'm-to-scared. Unless James wants to take over? But I would still have to drive since he gets dropped off first." The blond laughed as Lindsay drooped her head in defeat.

Soon, I had somehow was able to get in the apartment without waking anyone up. When my head met pillow, I was out for the night.

I just wasn't ready for the next day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys. sorry i've been gone for so long. I've just been on a blank sort of state and a lot of things have been going on since my last year in high school started. so don't kill me. i'm still going to work on this and if you have any ideas that you want to shout out please do. i love new ideas that i might have never thought of. well, like always i hope you like this one and leave a comment. hehe**

**~Lindsay**

Carlos pov

"James what?" I asked Camille. It was early in the morning and she decided to wake me up for coffee and a chat. Her dad had already left for work so her little apartment was clear.

My attention was brought back to the girl in front of me. Her brown curls hung from her drooping shoulders. She sighed. "He left again last night and I saw the people he was hanging with. We followed him, but we didn't find him. Kendall has some ideas, but..."

I scoffed. "What?" I asked throwing my arms around. "James is doing drugs? He's selling himself for sex? What could the mighty Kendall Knight come up with now?" I rolled my eyes and took another sip of my fifth cup. God this stuff was soooo good!

"I saw him." Suddenly Camille was pulling out her phone and started flipping threw her pictures til she found the one she wanted. "I know if I told Kendall, he would have a mental break down." She pushed the phone to me, tears in her eyes. "I don't think we know James like we think we do."

Confused, I picked up the phone. A quick glance at the picture, I saw what looked like a girl. But I started to focus. Take away the long hair, make-up, and pumps and you have-

"James?"

Logan pov

"Logan?" I blinked past my thoughts to find James in front of me. As soon as I realized it was him the memories of last night came rushing back. Along with the untrusting feeling he had planted in my soul. I pulled away trying to distract myself from his look of pain. But that was harder then I thought. I couldn't look a Kendall, who was busy sulking in the corner. And Carlos was giving James even stranger looks.

Thank God the door burst open. We all turned to find Gustavo standing at the door. "Dogs, I have a surprise for you." The fat man turned to each of us waiting for a reaction. When we didn't do anything the older man rolled his eyes and moved to show a new band. The Waywards. "Dogs, I was at the club last night and got the most amazing idea I ever had. We are going to show them off in your new album and they will show you off in their first."

His fat smile didn't last long.

"What the fuck Gustavo?" Kendall jumped into his face. "I don't want to play with a bunch of faggots that know shit about music."

One of the band members stepped out, a thinner version of Kendall. "And who the fuck are you to decide what to do? I think it's Gustavo's choice what band he records or not and how he will record them. So you can sit your stupid ass down and calm the fuck out."

"Ammon," the guy we saw singing last night held his arm in front of his band mate. "Chill." Their eyes glazed over us and went straight to James, who was now trying to disappear in the corner of the room.

Kendall noticed their eyes and hatred filled his soft green eyes. "And what do you have to say about this, James? About _strangers_ joining us." I shuddered at his words. How could Kendall be so cold?

"I don't mind." Our heads turned so fast I was for sure we all had whiplash. A short girl in dark clothing stepped out of the Wayward band. A smile filled her face and her chocolaty eyes flashed behind purple glasses. "Hi, I'm Lindsay Davis and I manage the guys here." The brave girl held her hand out to Kendall, the dark monster. "I hope we can change our views about each other. I like making new friends."

Kendall didn't move. He almost seemed frozen in time. No one had ever had the guts to just walk up to him when he's in a bad mood. No one but this girl.

Kendall's pov

I didn't know what to do.

I still don't know what to do. This...this girl has the nerve to stand up to me and say such things. I just...it shocked me. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw what looked like a fat whale jumping. Turning to look, Gustavo was going crazy mouthing _sh__ake her hand!_ I looked around me. To my friends and her friends. How they were watching and waiting on the edge of their seats. Waiting on WW3 or peace. Waiting...

"Hey," I jumped suddenly, pulled out of my deep thoughts. Lindsay was still in front of me holding out her hand and trying to control her laughter. "You goin' take my hand or not, Kendork?"

"Kendork?" I whispered more to myself letting a smile slip though. I grabbed her hand and shook her hand liking the way her small fingers felt around my hand. "Peace, then."

She smiled up at me then pulled back. "Okay, so if we are going to work together we need to get to know each other." She turned and paced around us. Quickly she grabbed Logan's hand and pulled him to the guy that called me out. "Logan, this is Ammon. Stay here." Lindsay turned back with her eyes set on Carlos. Pulling the innocence boy to an even shorter boy with a weird white streak in his hair. "Carlos, meet my good friend Zack."

As she dragged James to the thin guy I learned was Will, I felt weird in the pit of my stomach. The way James looked at her, I knew. I knew he knew her.

"And you, Mr. Kendork, shall be with my good friend Waylon. Now that you all have a partner I want you to spend the whole day finding out more about each other. My band and I like to feel like a family at the end of the day so go and have fun."

Zack let out a laugh. "And what do you think your gonna do?"

"She's going to be with me." Gustavo stood behind her. "We have to talk things out before we can sign anything. So Dogs and uh...mini Dogs. Go."


	5. Chapter 5

**I know. I know. It's short and stuff, but you might have more before today ends. I'm on a roll here, haha. Hope you guys like it and you know the drill. Also, I have to ask, am I the only one who is pissed off that Kendall chose Jo over Lucy? -_- Any way, I'll be working on the next chapter after lunch...maybe. See ya!**

**~Lindsay**

James' pov

Will decided that we would go and hang at the new pizza place Sundown. He said that we needed too talk and the best place would be there. "I don't think your friends knows about this place," he said puffing on his cigarette. "And if they do, will find somewhere else."

He smiled, but I suddenly felt uneasy. I didn't really know Will that good. I knew about his past times. Everyone did. But Lindsay always stood next to him and Juan, the big pott heads of the whole group. She told me that Will was trying to change, but he still scared me. I tried to shake off the feeling and smile back.

Easier said then done.

"You okay?" Will turned down his Asking Alexandra and looked over at me. I nodded but it didn't fool him. "Your not, are you? What's the matter?"

I sighed. What could I say? "I don't know. Just a bad feeling. I mean, I'm glad your getting a chance at a record deal, but..." I sighed again trying to find the right words.

Will nodded beside me. "Why Rocque Records. Yeah. I'm kinda trying to figure that one out too." I watched him as he threw his cigarette out the window. "It's the only reason I'm smoking this shit. Lindsay's bright idea got me so nerves."

"Wait, this is Lindsay's?"

Again, he nodded. "Yeah, she got a call last night after the gig. The Gustavo dude wanted to check us out so she sent him a really good demo we had and...now we'er here. On this little 'get to know you' adventure." I laughed as he rolled his eyes. "I guess Lindsay really wants your friends to like us."

I laughed remembering how she flustered Kendall. "Yeah, maybe a little too much. Did you see what she did to Kendall?"

Will shook his head. "Not surprised. He looks a lot like Ammon." He turned back to me, finding me confused. "They broke up again a few weeks ago. Didn't she tell you?"

I shook my head. "So that's why she didn't want to jump with you guys last night." Suddenly I felt sorry for her. Lindsay was sweet and Ammon was cool. I thought they were a good couple and that this time it was going to work. "What happened?"

Will turned into a parking lot and shrugged. "She won't tell me. Took me a while to find out. She didn't want to tell me or anyone. I guess it was something pretty bad." I nodded and we spend a couple of minutes in our own world trying to figure out why she didn't tell anyone. And where she was going with Kendall.

Breaking the silence, I sighed. "Well, we just going to sit here or are we going to eat?"

"To the food!"

Carlos pov

I decided to take Zack to try out the new arcade Katie was talking about last week. On the way there I started to get nerves. Should I tell him I know James's secret? Or should I let it out when the whole thing crashes or is it even going to crash at all? Will I have to live with this my whole life and never be able to say that I loved my best friend just the way he was? Even if the zombies attacked-

"Yo dude?" I jumped in my seat and tried to take in my surroundings. I found myself in a black truck that smelled like cigarettes. "You okay?" I turned and took in the kid driving. His shoes were the big kind skater's wore, shirt had Tom and Jerry chasing each other, and a Batman hat that was trying to cover up-

"What's with the blond streak?"

Zack took his eyes off the road to wiggle his bushy eyebrows at me. "What?"

I pointed at his hair. "Your hair. It has one blond streak. Why?"

I saw the younger boy with more facial hair then me roll his eyes. "Damn it, your about as bad as Lindsay." I started laughing with kinda made him smile as well. "It's a birth mark."

Now I was confused. "Hair can be a birth mark? I don't believe you." I started poking him which made him laugh louder.

"Carlos! No! I'm driving!" The truck started swerving and I suddenly remembered. He was driving.

"Sorry!"

Zack looked be over and shook his head at me some more. "After this I'm going to have a chat with Lindsay," I heard him mutter.

"So what games are at-"

"I know James's secret!"

I couldn't help it.

I blurted.

I screwed up.

Suddenly, Zack pulled the truck over and parked. He turned to me, fear and anger in his face showed through and scared me a little.

"Who else knows?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! Told you I would have another chapter out today. And this one might help you. I've notice a lot of you guys not getting why Kendall is acting like such a dick in this stuff. Well in this chapter you will find out. And you will understand Logan a little better at the end. And I hope most of this makes really good since because my mind is going crazy again. Any way, read, rate, comment. If you got an idea you want to pass to me send me a PM. And above all, I hope you like it. See ya!**

**~Lindsay**

Kendall's pov

I hated Lindsay.

No. I despised her.

And I bet Waylon did too.

We decided to stay in the apartment and "get to know" each other. Shit. More like stair daggers at each other. As soon as we came in Mom and Katie decided to take a girls' day out. Just in case.

Silence filled the room for what felt like hours. But we didn't move. Nether one of us wanted to show weakness. We had to both stay strong and wait for the other to crack.

_And she has no idea;_

_No idea;_

_That I'm even here;_

_She has no idea;_

_That I'm even here._

Waylon sighed and pulled out his phone and checked it for a text.

"Why was it playing one of our songs?" I asked.

Waylon rolled his eyes. "It was our manager's idea so we would know your pop shit better."

I stood up. "Pop shit?" The creepy kid with bug eyes nodded and went back to his stupid phone. "Faggot our shit is way better then yours will ever be you emo gay freak!"

"What the fuck man?" He jumped from his chair. "What did we ever do to you?"

I couldn't help it.

I pushed him back. "Your a fag. You changed James. You ruined my best friend." Memories started to return and tears I couldn't hold any longer pored. "I don't want him to be like Dad!" James was never to be like my father.

_I had just come home from school. Mom and Katie weren't home yet and I thought I had the house to myself. Both cars were gone, but the door was open. Too bad I didn't think much about it._ _In the kitchen I was setting things down when I heard something I wasn't supposed to hear. Moaning from the bedroom._

_I knew about sex, so I thought it was Mom and Dad. But then why wasn't their cars in the drive way? Taxi? No. They were a married couple so no point in hiding it. _

_There it was again. The moaning._

_Was my Dad cheating on my Mom?_

_I didn't want to know, but at the same time I had to. I wanted to know what kind of woman could bring my father down. Walking up the stairs, my parent's bedroom never felt so far away. Down the hall as I got closer the sound and clearer. I quickly opened the door and found the site that would tear my perfect family apart._

_My Dad was _**gay**_._

I found myself crying harder and harder. And all Waylon could do was stare at me. Frozen. As if the thought of me crying about my Dad and his...problem was just so hard to believe, it broke his mind.

"James's is not like that." I heard him whisper. "He would never let a guy touch him." His hands pushed me down onto the couch and rubbed my back in soothing circles. I didn't understand why he was doing this. I mean...who would?

But maybe James really had good friends.

Carlos's pov

We were still on the side of the road talking. Zack had lit one up to calm his nerves. Dropping the big huge bomb on him was probably not the smartest idea in the world. "So how long did you know?" He finally asked.

"I found out this morning. You?"

"The second day he came with us. Damn," he chuckled. "He makes a pretty girl."

I nodded remembering all the times we pointed this out. How he would always just blush a little bit then push us away. "He always acted like one. Always made him act weird." Then another thought made me frown. "Why do you think he does it?"

Zack could only shrug. "Hell if I know. The only person that knows is Lindsay and she won't tell us. She just tells us to be nice around him."

I nodded remembering how protective Logan was about both Kendall and James. "You think she likes him?"

"Hell if I know." Taking another drag, he started the drive to the arcade.

Logan's pov

The car ride was silent. I was driving the BTR mobile because Ammon didn't drive yet. But it was still silent in here. God I hated meeting new people.

"Monkey Balls."

I almost slammed on breaks not just because of what he said but because he said something. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him reach for the handle and let out a small hiss. _Logan, just chill. He said something. RESPOND!_ "Now, what?"

"Shit," the thinner Kendall smiled a Kendall smile, hazel eyes flashing. "Who taught you how to drive?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, why did you say 'monkey balls'?"

"It's a conversation starter," he shrugged. "The silence was kinda scary. Sorry."

I shook my head. "It's okay. You haven't seen my friends at their best yet. Kendall is the master at such details, but Carlos is just crazy." The car suddenly got silent again. So this time, I started. "So what got you in the band?"

"My ex girlfriend. The manager." He sighed and turned to the window. "And don't worry. We promised to still be friends no matter what."

Camille came to mind. She was the first person to find out my secret and decided to help me by being my girlfriend then breaking up with me so many times. "Your not gay are you?" I asked.

Ammon laughed like a maniac, "Hell no!"

"Good, because the having a really confusing relationship cover up just doesn't work like you think."

I think I dropped a bombshell.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! Looks like I just took everything in my mind and barfed it up on this page. This has to be the longest I have ever wrote and let me tell you my brain is totally gone. But anyway I hope you guys like it and that it adds up more along the story. I hope to do more tomorrow, but with this storm...can't really tell. Hope you guys are safe this week as you go about your normal lives. And like always read, leave a comment tell me what you think. I'm open to any ideas you guys might have. Have a great night! **

**~Lindsay**

**PS. I did not mean to pair me and Kendall together at all. It just happened.**

James's pov

_I was running with Kendall, Logan and Carlos in the snow that felt hot. I think Gustavo was chasing us with his piano playing notes over and over. But we were laughing. We didn't care. Along the way I would see others playing silly games. I saw Kelly and Lindsay on a swing set. Kelly was to scared to swing high, but Lindsay had her eyes closed swinging as high as she could._

_Even with tears on her cheeks._

_Kendall noticed her and waved us good-bye, but we didn't notice. Gustavo and his music was getting closer and we had to run faster. We past Mama Knight, Katie, Mason and Summer playing poker while floating in water. The Jennifers danced around in a circle, their perfect hair flying in the wind. The Waywards rocked out to Camille and Lucy in a beautiful mess. With Waylon on drums, Ammon on lead guitar, Zack on bass and Will leading them out on the mic._

_Carlos and Logan left to join the girls in their own little mosh pit. But I kept running. I couldn't stop. The music twisted around me as I ran. Soon I was alone running in the snow away from the crashing sound that was supposed to be music. The sound kept changing. Sounding more and more familiar._

_So familiar my heart was racing._

_I wanted and didn't want to turn around. I didn't want my worst fear to be real._

_"James..."_

_No._

_"James you can't run."_

_But I was trying...I was trying. The warm snow began to freeze around me sending shivers up my spine. As the tempter dropped, so did my speed. Until I was frozen stiff alone in the snow. With him getting closer._

_Him. My father._

I woke up with a start sweating in the early morning light. Checking the clock beside my bed, red numbers showed that it was only 6:30 in the morning. Carlos was still asleep on his side of the bed. I sighed, but I knew wasn't going back to sleep. Not to return to a dream like that. I shivered as if I was still frozen in that snow.

Coffee. That's what I needed.

I rolled out of bed as quietly as I could, trying my best to work around the kitchen without waking anyone up. I didn't want Kendall or Logan complaining about the noise. So while I waited on my cup of brew I turned on my ipod. Slipping on the headphones, the last song I played started up. Soon, I was softly singing along.

_My ship went down,_ _in a sea of sound._

_When I woke up alone, I had everything._

_A handful of moments I wish I could change,_

I had a tun of moments that I wanted to change. I could remember all of them. How at the time I was happy with what I had and how everything was. If only such moments could stay like that.

_And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade._

_In a city of fools, I was careful and cool,_

_But they tore me apart like a hurricane._

He took me to a place that told me what made me happy was wrong. It was wrong for a guy to wear pretty dresses. Wrong to want long hair. Everything I wanted was just wrong.

_A hand full of moments I wish I could change,_

I wish I never told him.

_But I was carried away._

Now I couldn't tell anyone.

_Give me therapy._

Years that my friends will never know about.

_I'm a walking travesty,_

Years of pills, hate and pain.

_But I'm smiling at everything._

Years that they thought everything was fine.

_Therapy, you were never a friend to me._

_And you can keep all your misery._

I don't know if I could ever be free from that.

Salty tears mixed with my coffee as I tried to keep the memories at bay. I didn't want to remember today. I had to go sing with the guys and I knew Lindsay was going to be there. And if she is there she would be able to tell that the nightmares were coming back. That I was slowly falling apart.

Again.

Kendall's pov

I was suddenly scared about today when I woke up. Not because I still had a bad taste for the members of Wayward. Which I did because I still couldn't fully trust them. I wasn't worried about the song. Gustavo had just about ran us dead with it over and over again. No. My big fear had to be in that little woman dressed in black.

When we walked into the studio, there she was passing out treats. "Here," she said handing Carlos a box full of cookies. "Made them last night and I thought you guys would like some." She smiled at each of us, but sent a special look to James. One that made me almost hate my best friend. "The guys have been waiting on you guys. We made sure to get here early because, well..." Lindsay rolled her eyes and chuckled looking at her boys.

"No point in waiting any longer," Carlos belted, digging into the box of cookies. "Hey, did you bring any milk?"

"Chocolate or vanilla soy?"

I blinked. Once. Twice. "What the fuck is soy?"

Logan pulled me down to his level and started to whisper about how it's an alternate for the real stuff, but I don't think I was really paying attention to him. All I could see was how she was passing out more stuff to the guys. Laughing at their small talk and jumping in a few times to say something random or perverted. Like she was one of the guys and her guys didn't see anything wrong with it. But I wasn't paying attention to that.

Just her.

"Hey Kendall?" I blinked back noticing how close she was, trying to hid her slight blush. "Can you help me get more food? Gustavo helped me the other times, but I don't think he can last much longer." She pointed to the fat man and I could see what she meant. He watched her friends tiredly, wishing they would just sing and shut up instead of asking for more food. I nodded and ran with her to the elevator.

"So," my heart started racing. "What do the sharks want?"

Lindsay pulled down her sleeve a little to revile ink squiggles that she somehow saw as words. "Uh...five orders of cocks, two of them marinated in white stuff, then a bunch of burgers. Don't worry. I got money this time." She smiled at me and I couldn't help it.

I smiled back.

Logan's pov

I suddenly hated Lindsay. And I thought Jo and Lucy were bad enough. At least when he was interested in those two all we had to do was come here to do some hours of singing and dance warm-ups and they where never on his mind. Then, at least then, I could be the center of his world. Even if it was just for a little while.

But not now.

Lindsay had to be here for her band. She was their manager. She was trying to help make a profit and Kendall was trying to hit on her.

And damn if she didn't like it.

I really was starting to hate her.

Turning back to the guys, I tried to calm my breathing. The only one who noticed anything was Ammon. Hazel eyes watched the whole thing unfold before us and I knew what he was thinking. But I didn't want pity at that point. I felt enough of it when I came out to my mother. She said she would support me, but to her I was committing a horrible sin. One that was hard for her to take.

I had lost the love that I needed from her. So I never tried to come out to my friends no matter how much I wanted to. And when my crush on Kendall started, I knew I couldn't tell anyone then. He wouldn't be able to handle it and I couldn't let this ruin the best set of friends I've ever had. I couldn't lose any of this, but, as I've learn, watching someone you love love someone else kills almost everything you hold dear in your heart.

I ran to the bathroom as fast as I could shouting out that I had to piss. Behind closed doors I could finally tuck away the stupid tears and the stupid feelings. Pulling out my secret weapon of choice, I picked my spot to rid of my poison. The same place I've been doing it for years.

Taking the razor to the inner part of my leg, I slashed away. Just the way I felt on the inside I let it loose on the outside.

When you watch someone you love love someone else it kills almost everything you hold dear in your poor pitiful heart.

And Kendall Knight was slowly killing me.


	8. Chapter 8

**A happy birthday too me! Haha I am sooo sorry that it took me so long to write this. But by some birthday magic (yep, Dec. 6 = 18) has given me the power to work on this some more. And also, some of the people who are in this found out and are pressing me to work on this. Even my boyfriend is. So I hope you like this, because it's...stressful? Haha Leave your comments because I take them very seriously.**

**~Lindsay**

Carlos's pov

Kendall and Lindsay have been gone for a long time. And I mean loooonnnngggg. Maybe an hour or two. I don't know. When they left I was to busy stuffing my face. But I know the guys were starting to worry. Will and Zack started muttering something about "Swiss cheese" and moaning softly while trying not to laugh. James and Ammon would join in every once and a while, but Ammon mostly kept his eye on Logan who was sitting in the corner. Waylon was just ignoring us all, blasting music through his headphones.

Even Gustavo and Kelly seemed worried.

"Where are they?" our fat manager shouted. Kelly shrugged telling him that she had already tried calling. Nether one of them would answer.

"Swiss cheese," Will and Zack moaned loudly earning a dirty look from Kelly. Whatever they were talking about, it seemed to have offended her.

Logan got up from his corner for the fifth time and ran to the bathroom. But this time seemed different. As time pasted, Logie seemed to be getting paler and was becoming unbalanced on his feet. Enough that even I started to worry.

When I worry, you know something is really wrong.

But that didn't mean I had to get up and do something...did it? I mean, what if Logie was really sick? He always knew when I was sick so maybe he was sick and just didn't want to tell any of us. Because he didn't want to seem weak. My reasoning is pretty logical. I nodded to myself putting another cookie in my mouth.

But...then again...

I stopped chewing for a moment, letting the thought fully process before I took another bite. When Logan was ever sick, with even a something as little as the common cold, he always told us he was sick or not to come so close. With a boss like Gustavo, he didn't want anyone to be yelled at for being sick.

Something wasn't right.

Across the room I saw Ammon was kinda jumpy too. His eyes flickered over to the boys' bathroom over and over again. He had this worried look to his face that got me even more worried. What is something worse was going on.

James had a secret. My eyes jumped over to my cross dressing friend that had his full attention on the other two guys. On the outside, James seemed like the perfect guy. Girls fell for him at a drop of a hat and every guy wanted to ether be him or be like him. I know I have. But when no one was looking, James would disappear and leave a girl behind. It was a dark secret that James's had kept for I don't know how many years. If James could have a secret like that, then maybe Logan did too. Or Kendall.

I shook my head, my brain pounding. What was I thinking? Kendall and Logan were open books. They couldn't have other things to think about, right? We were brothers. We told each other everything. How Logan was afraid to sing, Kendall's dad problems, and James's divorced parents. Nothing was never left alone with us.

Well, maybe not everything.

Suddenly, the sound of breaking glass rang out from the bathroom causing us all to look up. Waylon even heard it over his music. I didn't think. I jumped up as fast as I could and ran to the bathroom. I didn't stop when I heard Ammon shout. I didn't stop when I found the door locked. Nothing stopped me from banging down that door. Not Ammon or Will or James as they tried to pull me away. Not the smell of blood or the flashes of pail skin.

Nothing but my world turning black stopped me.

James's pov

Kelly was calling the ambulance when my phone started ringing.

_What the fuck now?_ I thought when I saw Summer's name flash. Usually I liked getting text's from her, but right now was not the right time. Not with Carlos fainting, Ammon close to fainting, Logan maybe dead and a missing Kendall when we need our leader to keep us calm. Yeah, I didn't need anyone to text me. Until I read it.

_James, mason & i r hospital. u need to get here._

_hospital?_ I texted her back with a horrible feeling rising up from the bottom of my guts.

"James!" I jumped and looked to Will. "Help me hold in the blood! Waylon, get Ammon out of here!" Waylon and I nodded taking our posts. Dropping down on the other side of Logan I didn't know what to do. Blood was everywhere. I couldn't tell where it was coming from and I was about to panic. "Hey," Will grabbed my hand bringing me back. "Look at me. Don't panic. I already checked," his voice was calm and sure. How could he be calm now? "Logan has scars on his thighs, but the ones we are worried about are the huge slits on his wrists.

"I need you to rip some fabric." I nodded, taking my shirt off. A 100% cotton was good, right? Right then I didn't give a damn. As Will and I were tying down the strips on his wrists, my phone let out another buzz.

_Kendall & lindsay got in a wreck. we need u!_

Why today?


	9. Chapter 9

**I am sooo sorry that it took me this long to put up a new chapter. This shouldn't happen, but it did. Well, I hope you like this chapter and I'll soon have us back on track...someday.**

**~Lindsay**

James's pov

Pulling up to the LA General Hospital, Ammon didn't wait for the car to stop before he jumped out. The rest of us weren't far behind. Reaching the waiting room, we found Summer, Mason and an older man circling the room. Mason looked tired as if five years just attacked him. Summer wasn't any better with her face in nothing but tears. And I didn't want to think about how we looked to them.

Ammon was the first to ask, "What happened?"

"Police told us Kendall and Lindsay had the right of way," the older man spoke, his voice shook with worry. "Some drunk idiot hit them head on. The car was totaled."

"But they are okay!" Summer jumped in as fast as she could. "They jumped out as fast as they could, but Lindsay has a broke leg and Kendall's head hit a pole that knocked him out. Their testing him right now."

A sigh of relief washed over us. Even the semi-confused Carlos took this as a sign of good news. When paramedics finally showed up they gave us some smelling salts. Now we just had to worry about the other two members.

Gustavo stood fiddling with his expediencies rings. "I've already called Ms. Knight and she's on her way." We all nodded as another worry rose up. How is she going to take this? "Oh," holding his fat hand to the stranger, Gustavo gave the most apologetic smile. "I'm Gustavo Rocque. And you are?"

"Dell Broadwell," his frail hand was swallowed by swelling flesh. "I'm Lindsay's grandfather and guardian of some of the younger kids here." A sigh shook though his body as Mr. Dell let his hand fall. "But it sure doesn't feel like I'm doing a good job now."

"That's crazy, Mr. Dell!" Summer jumped up shouting. "That wreck could have happened to anyone and you know it. No one could have controlled it. So, all we have to do is help Kendall and Lindsay get better. We can do it."

I was about to say something about Logan when Kelly came walking over to us. "Alright," her was a little shaky like she ran a marathon. "Logan has a room and once they balance his blood levels, Ms. Knight and I are going to talk about him seeing someone." Blinking back tears, she suddenly realized there were more of us. "Oh God, sorry. I'm Kelly Wainwright. I'm Gustavo's assistant." Mr. Dell shook her hand and reintroduced himself.

As the adults got to know each other, the rest of us went out for some fresh air and told them to call us if anything happened. Getting off hospital grounds, Will and Zack lit up their cigarettes and took their first puffs of relief. Mason rubbed his face and sighed. "Now, what happened to Logan?"

I looked at the guys, wondering who was the first to speak up or was it going to be me. I was about to open my mouth when Zack spoke first. "We found him in the bathroom. His wrists were shredded." As he spoke the words left him in puffs making them almost magical. "There was a lot of blood. Went pretty deep."

"It's happening again." Everyone stopped and turned to Ammon. The boy had his back turned to us, his back shaking with tears and anger. "It's happening again. And again I couldn't stop it."

Mason tried to grab his shoulder and turn him, but the Jew threw him off. "You couldn't stop it," Mason whispered. "You didn't know."

"The fuck I didn't!" Anger took over him as we watched him unravel. "He did the same fucking things! The same things she did! Same sad eyes, same fucking tone, and same fucking way!" Carlos stood behind me, suddenly afraid.

"Ammon, calm down," I whispered.

"Why?" He turned to us, tears welled in his eyes. "Why did she do it? Why couldn't I stop her? I tried. I really-" He stopped. His eyes not even caring to look at us. Ammon shook his head and just walked away, tears still staining his face. For a long time we just stood there in silence wondering what really happened to him.

Suddenly Kelly ran to us. Her face was glowing and tears of joy ran down her face.

"Kendall is awake!"

Kendall's pov

Pain.

Total pain.

_Come on kid, wake up._

I can't.

It

Hurts.

_Kendall, wake up._

Who?

_Kendall._

Go away.

_Kendall Knight, wake up!_

My eyes opened to a bright painful light. Letting out a whimper, I tried to close them again. I need sleep.

"Not so fast buddy," a voice announced over me. "Come on, let's see those pretty greens." Against my will, my eyes opened and started to focus on the woman over me. Damn woman had a flash light shining in my eyes. I squinted and tried to look away, but the woman held my head still. "Now come on Kenny. We need to make sure your okay."

Kenny?

"N-not K-Ken-nny..."

The woman over me stopped. Her eyes watching me. "But you're-" A knock suddenly pounded thought the door, sending my head deeper into pain. The woman turned from me to the door then back. "Uh," worry crept into her eyes, "No one can come in here."

"Not going to stop us!" a male voice sounded through the door. The handle jiggled then gave way to a large group of teens that went straight to the ground.

Suddenly a short latino boy jumped up from the pile. His eyes flashed to me and a smile filled his face. As quickly as he could (almost tripping over his own feet) the boy was beside my bed almost instantly. "Kendall," he shouted as his smile grew. "Man, I am so glad to see you." Others stood and watched us. One by one, their faces fell.

I couldn't keep my question in anymore. I needed to know.

"Who are you?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys! More BTR stuff here, you can now scream for joy. I'm working on this as much as I can. (I'm even having help from my close family friend Kalyn) But I hope you like this chapter as you have many others. Read and enjoy, leave your messages and bring up some topics that you would like me to do in this. I love to hear from you.**

**~Lindsay**

Carlos pov

"And once his head hit the pole, it thus caused his brain to swell," the doctor droned on about Kendall and how his brain went stupid. Me, Mrs. Knight, Gustavo, Kelly and James all sat waiting for this dude to finish his spill and tell us how to fix Kendall and Logan. All this waiting was getting to me.

Lucky Katie didn't have to deal with this. She got to stay with Mr. Dell and the others in Lindsay's room. The room where they were eating corn dogs to past the time. Even if they were just vegan corn dogs.

I huffed and remembered why I was here. For my brothers. To stand by them and help in anyway I can. Like Mama always told me. The broken are fixable. They just need some help. And I was going to help them.

So we all sat for what felt like forever trying to understand the doctor's gibberish. The kind of stuff that only Logan would understand. Medical terms that meant nothing to me or Gustavo for that matter. The fat man looked like he was about to explode if this guy didn't shut up. Which he didn't.

Which Gustavo did.

"So...here's $5,000 for all the damages," Kelly said as she wrote out checks. "$1,250 for Kendall's bill, $700 for Lindsay's and $1,000 for Logan."

James and I decided to walk away and go check on Logan. At least he will remember us. After they got his blood back to normal, they sent him to the crazy floor for the next 40 days. I let out a sigh thinking how lonely it will be at the apartment. Without Kendall's plans or Logan's brain, the Palm Woods just wont be anything.

"Why do you think he did it?" James suddenly asked.

"Who?"

James sighed and dropped his head. "You know. Logan. And what did Ammon mean earlier? He wasn't talking about Logan." Dark eyes looked past the walls into something deeper. Again he sighed and shook his head. "Why is all of this happening?"

A forced laugh slipped though my lips. "Why are you asking me?" I asked. "If you really needed to know, you should be asking them yourself. I'm not smart."

You can't seem anything but dumb when you have smart people around you like Kendall, Logan and James. I was just a stupid kid.

"It just bothers me," James whispered. He sighed and shook his head. "Look, I'm gonna check on Kendall. He...Maybe I can help him remember. The doctor did say that talking to him might help him...uh..remember."

I nodded and watched as James left to the elevator. I sighed and turned to what was ahead of me. Nurses nodded me in and pointed to Logan's room. "He hasn't moved since they put him here," one of them said. "Just don't come out and ask him." I nodded and walked on. The door said 'Logan M./Dillon M.' and was cracked just a little bit. I knocked and everything just suddenly hit me. My friend was in the mental ward because of something deeper. Something that none of us could pick up on. Something-

The door opened to a taller blond with sky blue eyes that was masked by anger. "What?"

Gulp. "I wanted to see Logan?" The dude was scary looking, staring me down with hard eyes. But I guess I passed his test since he let me in. In the corner I saw the tiny raven haired boy balled up in the fetal position. His head never lifted as I walked closer to him. Like I wasn't even here. "Logie? Hey," God when did my mouth get so dry?

"Go away, Carlos." His voice was raw and scratchy. "Just go away."

"But Log-"

"Carlos I said get OUT!" Anger and rage took over his small frame that sent him flying at me. "I don't WANT you! I don't WANT this! I just WANT-"

"Kendall." Turning around, Camille stood. Did I text her? Or did James? "I know Logan." A tear rolled down her cheek as she tried to pull herself together. "You always want Kendall, but maybe you need to realize that he doesn't feel the same about you." Logan shook his head and crawled back into his bed, his back to us. Camille sighed and grabbed my arm. "Let's go Carlos. He needs space."

James's pov

I wanted to see Logan. But I didn't want to see him there. Not where I use to be. I shivered as the memories clawed at my mind, but I couldn't let it. Not while I was with Kendall. He always knew when something was wrong with me and even if he can't remember me, I can't risk him knowing.

_Daddy, why are we here?_

_Daddy has a team of special doctors that are going to fix you._

_What's wrong with me?_

_Everything, son. Everything._

Shit. This is not what I wanted to think about. I didn't want to remember. I wish I could forget. I wish...

Why did I have to be this way?

"James!" Suddenly I was grabbed into a giant hug by a tiny blond girl. Summer's smile was breaking through this stressful day. How could she be so happy? "You look like you needed that," she said as she whipped away an unnoticed tear.

_Weak._

"Well, yeah. I-I guess." Quickly I pushed the small girl off. If he was here he would be calling me weak. "Uh, I thought you were with Lindsay?"

Summer snorted. "Will is going all big brother on her. Yelling and being worried, ya know." Another cute snort escaped. "Mason and Zack are even joining in. It's crazy. So, I'm going to get some coffee. Want to join?"

Coffee? "Uh, I was going to see Kendall and I-I don't..."

"He could use some coffee too," Summer explained. Before I could say anything else, she grabbed my hand and pulled me back to the elevator downstairs. "Hospital coffee isn't really that great, but I did see a Starbucks just a few blocks away. Even less. What kind of coffee does Kendall like?"

"Uh..." Before I could answer there was angry yells coming from Lindsay's room. Waylon busted out with Zack and Ammon on his tail.

"If our manager is going crazy," Waylon yelled. "Then why the fuck didn't you tell us?" Out of anger, Waylon shoved Ammon against the wall, making the pictures shake. "But no! You waited and waited and then let us find out now!" Another shove sent a picture crashing to the floor, but that didn't bother them.

Zack clinched his fist. "And you KNEW that she needed help. We could have helped her!"

"STOP!" The three guys turned and finally noticed us and where they were. Ammon took this chance to run while he could, but Waylon and Zack couldn't escape Summer so easily. "Let him go and you two come with me. We have a lot to talk about."


	11. Chapter 11

_Carlos _

"So, he used me as a cover up," Camille took a sip out of her coffee as I took everything in. Logan was gay and in love with Kendall. How didn't I see this? Everything started to add up. How he never was after girls or the nasty looks he would give James and I if we walked on them alone.

"But Kendall isn't gay," harmful jokes that Kendall used to say came up and attacked me. Was this how Logan or James felt? "He hates anyone who is...I just don't understand! How could Logan stand to love him?"

Camille rolled her eyes. "If I knew, I would have told you. The best excuse he told me was that 'Kendall is my Knight' and that would be the end of it. He might be book smart, but that 'love science' is total shit." The Starbucks became silent again. Almost dead. Besides the us, there weren't any other customers around.

"That is shit." I jumped and turn to find the cashier looking at us with his head propped on his hand. "Whoever this Logan guy is, he's really a dumb ass." The guy was taller then James, with short black hair and pail skin. His dark eyes bored into us as he cracked a smile. "But I've been just as stupid if not stupider."

I sighed and shook my head. "And in three...two...one.."

Camille jumped up, throwing her chair back onto the ground, and quickly grabbed my shirt to pull me up to her eye level. "He's here?" She pointed to the cashier with force. "You let him in here? How could you?" She slapped me across my cheek, then pulled me in to bury herself in my shirt. "He just broke up with me and you let him in here so he could STOMP on my heart ONCE AGAIN! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME BIG BROTHER!" Tears rolled down her cheek and wet my shirt. Looking up at the guy (who was backing up to the wall, shaking his head) I decided to go along for once.

"Darling sister, I didn't invite him to hurt you." Softly, I petted her hair to "calm" her sobbing. "I invited him here so we could talk about what happened as we tie him to a chair and slowly rip every inch of his flesh off so we will never have to worry about him dating that terrible Kendall girl." To add effect, I grabbed a spoon and held it high. "See sister? I hold here a SPOON!"

Then the door opened. All three of us turned to find James, Summer, Waylon and Zack just standing there. "Carlos? Camille? What are you doing?"

The sobbing Camille stood straight and sighed dramatically. "James! You just ruaned everything. Carlos was going to be a good brother and kill," again she pointed to the dude, "my ex-boyfriend and make sure that a wicked girl didn't get him!"

Zack busted out laughing. "With a spoon? Really?" Suddenly Waylon grabbed him and pulled the younger boy back.

"Watch out," Waylon whispered loudly. "It's a rusty spoon!" Suddenly, the Summer and the guys started laughing hard and walked up to a confused cashier. "I feel chocolaty, what about you guys?"

The guy sighed and slid to the ground. "Never going to open my mouth again," he whispered loud enough to send another round of laughter.

_James_

Camille and Carlos grabbed their cups and moved us over to one of the empty booths. Timmy, the barista, took a chair and sat across from us. "So you guys are all in the same boat, huh? Love gone wrong and all that jazz?"

"And a few more things," Zack muttered. "I just don't get why this is happening."

Summer rolled her eyes. "Stuff happens. Right now, I want to know what happened between you two and Ammon. Why were you trying to kill him?"

A sigh erupted from Waylon. "Lindsay has scars that are older, but not old enough to be from the other time. Just old enough that Ammon seemed to know about them." Waylon threw his hand onto the table. "I'm kicking him out of the band. He doesn't deserve to be one of us."

Zack let his head fall on the table. Summer combed her fingers through his hair, which made me feel...different. I wanted to stop her, but now was not the time. Now was the time to think about what was going on with my friends.

"Who's going to tell him?" Timmy's questioning eyes watched us. "And if your kicking him out, your going to have to find someone else who can play. Do you have any of that?"

I sighed. "Will also wouldn't like it. Him and Ammon are like brothers." Thoughts of what Will would do to Waylon appeared in my mind. And those things were to nasty to think of to began with.

Shit.

_Logan _

Therapy started the next day. And in front of me was a big man. He sorta reminded me of a bear or a lumber jack with his scruffy beard. He also didn't seem that old. Maybe his late twenties, but old enough to have the starting effects of his college days.

Not what I expected.

you know, when you hear the word "therapy", you think of an older genital man with white hair and a short stature. We can imagine him lighting up a wooden pipe, sitting back in his chair and asking questions like "how do you feel" and "how does that make you feel".

But this is life. Real life. And real life loves to throw curve balls. Hard.

"So your Logan," the guy said in a hushed voice. Like I was a hurt animal he was trying not to scare off. "I'm Thomas Deaver, but you can call me Tom. 'Mr. Deaver' makes me feel like my father is right behind me." For effects, Tom let out a shiver. "So, lets just talk. Have any pets?"

No.

"Brothers or sisters?"

No.

"Are you going to say anything?"

No. Not to you.

"Anyway I can see Kendall?"

An hour later I was taken to see him. I couldn't tell him how I felt before, but maybe now, I will finally get my Knight.


End file.
